Good parenting and family advice.

Parenting is not easy. Good parenting is hard work.

What makes a good parent?

A good parent is someone who strives to make decisions in the best interest of the child. What makes a great parent isn’t only defined by the parent’s actions, but also their intention. A good parent doesn’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect. No child is perfect either … keeping this in mind is important when we set our expectations. Successful parenting is not about achieving perfection. But it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t work towards that goal. Set high standards for ourselves first and then our children second. We serve as important role models for them.

Parenting Tips

Here are some good parenting tips on how to be a better parent, learn good parenting skills and avoid bad parenting.

Many of them are not quick or easy. And probably no one can do all of them all of the time. But if you can keep working on the tips in this parenting guide, you will still be moving in the right direction even though you may only do part of these some of the time.

#1 BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL

Walk the walk. Don’t just tell your child what you want them to do. The best way to teach is to show them. Human is a special species in part because we can learn by imitation​1​. We are programmed to copy others’ actions, understand them, and incorporate them into our own. Children, in particular, watch everything their parents do very carefully.

So, be the person you want your child to be — respect your child, show them positive behavior and attitude, have empathy towards your child’s emotion — and your child will follow suit.

#2: LOVE THEM AND SHOW THEM THROUGH ACTION

Only what you choose to do (or give) in the name of love can — things like material indulgence, leniency, low expectation, and over-protection. When these things are given in place of real love, that’s when you’ll have a spoiled child. Loving your child can be as simple as giving them hugs, spending quality time with them, having family meals together, and listening to your child’s problems seriously. Showing these acts of love can trigger the release of feel-good hormones such as oxytocin. These neurochemicals can bring us a deep sense of calm, emotional warmth, and contentment; from these, the child, will develop resilience and not to mention a closer relationship with you.

#3: PRACTICE KIND AND FIRM POSITIVE PARENTING

Babies are born with around 100 billion brain cells (neurons) with relatively few connections. These connections create our thoughts, drive our actions, shape our personalities, and basically determine who we are. They are created, strengthened, and “sculpted” through life experiences. Give your child positive family interaction, especially in the early years. They will then be able to experience positive experiences themselves and offer them to others. But if you give your child negative experiences, they won’t have the kind of development necessary for them to thrive. Sing that silly song. Have a tickle marathon. Go to the park. Laugh with your child. Give them positive attention.

Ride through an emotional tantrum with them. Solve a problem together with a positive attitude. These positive experiences create good neural connections in your child’s brain and form the memories of you that your child carries for life. When it comes to discipline, it seems hard to remain positive, especially when dealing with behavior problems. But it is possible by using positive discipline and avoiding harsh discipline. Being a good parent means you need to teach your child the morals of what is right and what is wrong. Setting limits and being consistent is the golden rule to good discipline. Be kind and firm when you set rules and enforce them. Focus on the reason behind the child’s misbehavior. And make it an opportunity for them to learn for the future in a positive way, rather than to get punished for the past.

#4: BE A SAFE HAVEN FOR YOUR CHILD

Let your child know that you’ll always be there for them by being responsive to your child’s signals and sensitive to their needs. Support and accept your child as an individual. Be a warm and safe place for your child to explore from and return to. Children raised by parents who are consistently responsive tend to have better emotional regulation development, social skills development, and mental health outcomes​​.

#5: TALK WITH YOUR CHILD AND HELP THEIR BRAINS INTEGRATE

Most of us already know the importance of communication. Talk to your child and also listen to them carefully. By keeping an open line of communication, you’ll have a better relationship with your child and your child will come to you when there’s a problem.  But there’s another reason for communication. You help your child integrate different parts of their brain, a critical process in a child’s development. Integration is similar to our body, in which different organs must coordinate and work together to maintain a healthy body. When different parts of the brain are integrated, they can function harmoniously as a whole, which means fewer tantrums, more good behavior, more empathy, and better mental well-being. To do that, talk through troubling experiences. Ask your child to describe what happened and how they felt to develop attuned communication.

You don’t have to provide solutions. You don’t need to have all the answers to be a good parent. Just listening to them talk. Ask clarifying questions using simple words will help them make sense of their experiences and integrate their memories.

#6: REFLECT ON YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD

Many of us want to parent differently from our parents. Even those who had a good upbringing and a happy childhood may want to change some aspects of how they were brought up.  But very often, when we open our mouths, we speak just like our own parents did. Reflecting on our own childhood is a step towards understanding why we parent the way we do. Make note of things you’d like to change and think of how you’d do it differently in a real scenario. Try to be mindful and change your behavior the next time those issues come up.

Don’t give up if you don’t succeed at first. It takes practice, lots of practice to consciously change one’s child-rearing methods.

#7: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR OWN WELL-BEING

Parents need relief too. Pay attention to your own well-being to prevent parental burnout. Oftentimes, things such as your own needs or the health of your marriage are kept on the back burner when a child is born. If you don’t pay attention to them, they will become bigger problems down the road. Take time to strengthen your relationship with your spouse.

Stressed-out parents are more prone to fighting. Don’t be afraid to ask for parenting help. Having some “me time” for self-care and stress management is important to rejuvenate the mind. How parents take care of their child physically and mentally will make a big difference in their parenting and family life. If these two areas fail, your child will suffer, too.

#8: DO NOT SPANK, NO MATTER WHAT

No doubt, to some parents, spanking can bring about short-term compliance which sometimes is a much-needed relief for the parents. However, this method doesn’t teach the child right from wrong. It only teaches the child to fear external consequences. The child is then motivated to avoid getting caught with inappropriate behavior.

Spanking your child is modeling to your child that he/she can resolve issues by violence. A child who is spanked, smacked, or hit is more prone to fighting with other children. They are more likely to become bullies and to use verbal/physical aggression to solve disputes. Later in life, they are also more likely to result in delinquency and oppositional behavior, worse parent-child relationships, mental health issues, and domestic violence victims or abusers.

#9: KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE AND REMEMBER YOUR PARENTING GOAL

What is your goal in raising a child?

If you’re like most parents, you want your child to do well in school, be productive, be responsible and independent, be respectful, enjoy positive relationships with you and others are caring and compassionate, and have a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.

How much time do you spend working towards those goals?

If you’re like most parents, you probably spend most of the time just trying to get through the day. As authors, Siegel and Bryson, point out in their book, The Whole-Brain Child, to not let the survival mode dominate your life, next time you feel angry or frustrated, step back. Think about what anger and frustration will do for you or your child. Instead, find ways to turn every negative experience into a learning opportunity for them. Even epic tantrums can be turned into invaluable brain-sculpting moments if you focus on teaching your child, not trying to control them.tip

Doing these will not only help you keep a healthy perspective, but you are also working on one of your primary goals in parenting — building a good relationship with your child. There are a variety of better alternatives to discipline that have been proven to be more effective​11​, such as positive discipline (Tip #3 above) and positive reinforcement.

#10: TAKE A SHORTCUT BY UTILIZING FINDINGS IN LATEST PSYCHOLOGY AND NEUROSCIENCE RESEARCH

By shortcuts, I don’t mean shortchanging your child with tricks. What I mean is to take advantage of what is already known by scientists. Parenting is one of the most researched fields in psychology. Many parenting techniques, practices, or traditions have been scientifically researched, verified, refined, or refuted. For best parenting advice for raising a child and information that are backed by science, here is one of my favorite science-based parenting books, The Science of Parenting.

Using scientific knowledge is of course not a one-size-fits-all strategy. Every child is different. Even within the best parenting style, there can be many different effective parenting practices you can choose according to your child’s temperament.

A good example is using spanking to discipline. There are many better alternatives, e.g. redirection, reasoning, time-in, etc. You can choose a non-punitive discipline method that works best for your child. Of course, you can also choose to use “traditional” or “old school” parenting styles (e.g. punishing or spanking) and may still get a “similar” outcome. Differential susceptibility has shown us that children with different temperaments react to the quality of parenting differently.

Those who are more susceptible to parenting quality will have better outcomes under good parenting but worse outcomes under bad parenting.

Those who are less susceptible may “turn out fine” no matter how tough their parents treat them. But it doesn’t mean those practices are good. These children are simply lucky. They can thrive despite bad parenting, not because of it.

Why take a chance with sub-par parenting practices when you can use well-researched, better ones?

The importance of parenting cannot be underestimated. Taking science-based parental advice may not be the easiest way to parent. It may require more work on your part in the short term but can save you lots of time and agony in the long run.

Easy Ways to be a Fantastic Parent

We've gathered our all-time favorite parenting tips from our board of advisors in one outstanding article that will have a profound effect on your whole family.

There are no perfect parents, but there are plenty of things you can do that will make you a fantastic one. Throughout the year, our board of advisors—a brain trust of the best pediatric doctors, developmental experts, and educators in the country—shares the latest thinking about raising happy and healthy kids.

Now we've gathered our all-time favorite nuggets of advice in one place. Broadly speaking, this is what the experts say about how to be a good parent:

• Set limits
• Spend quality time with your kids
• Be a good role model
• Praise your kids
• Trust yourself
• Teach your kids social skills
• Teach gratitude
• Make meal time family time
• Say "I love you"
• Encourage physical activity
• Keep up with your kids' routine health care

Read on to learn more about what this looks like in practice and how to put these expert tips to good use.

Set Smart Limits                                                                     

Take charge. Children crave limits, which help them understand and manage an often confusing world. Show your love by setting boundaries so your kids can explore and discover their passions safely. Don't clip your child's wings. Your toddler's mission in life is to gain independence. So when they're developmentally capable of putting their toys away, clearing their plate from the table, and dressing themselves, let them. Giving a child responsibility is good for their self-esteem (and your sanity!).

Don't try to fix everything. Give young kids a chance to find their own solutions. When you lovingly acknowledge a child's minor frustrations without immediately rushing in to save them, you teach them self-reliance and resilience. Remember that discipline is not punishment. Enforcing limits is really about teaching kids how to behave in the world and helping them to become competent, caring, and in control.

Pick your battles. Kids can't absorb too many rules without turning off and tuning out. Forget arguing about little stuff like fashion choices and occasional potty language. Focus on the things that really matter like no hitting, rude talk, or lying.

Create Your Own Quality Time

Play with your children. Let them choose the activity, and don't worry about rules. Just go with the flow and have fun. That's the name of the game. Read books together every day. Get started when they're a newborn; babies love listening to the sound of their parents' voices. Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set them up for a lifetime of reading.

Schedule daily special time. Let your child choose an activity where you hang out together for 10 or 15 minutes with no interruptions. There's no better way for you to show your love.

Encourage family time. The greatest untapped resource available for improving the lives of our children is time with their parents. Kids with engaged parents do better in school, problem-solve more successfully, and generally cope better with whatever life throws at them.

Make warm memories. Your children will probably not remember anything that you say to them, but they will recall the family rituals—like bedtimes and game night—that you do together.

Be a Good Role Model. Be the role model your children deserve. Kids learn by watching their parents. Modeling appropriate, respectful, good behavior works much better than telling them what to do.

Fess up when you blow it. This is the best way to show your child how and when they should apologize.

Live a little greener. Show your kids how easy it is to care for the environment. Waste less, recycle, reuse, and conserve each day. Spend an afternoon picking up trash around the neighborhood.

Always tell the truth. It's how you want your child to behave, right?

Kiss and hug your partner in front of the kids. Your partnership is the only example your child has of what an intimate relationship looks, feels, and sounds like. So it's your job to set a great standard.

Respect parenting differences. Support your co-parent's basic approach to raising kids—unless it's way out of line. Criticizing or arguing with your partner will do more harm to your relationship and your child's sense of security than if you accept standards that are different from your own.        

Know the Best Ways to Praise

Give appropriate praise. Instead of simply saying, "You're great," try to be specific about what your child did to deserve the positive feedback. You might say, "Waiting until I was off the phone to ask for cookies was hard, and I really liked your patience."

Cheer the good stuff. When you notice your child doing something helpful or nice, let them know how you feel. It's a great way to reinforce good behavior so they're more likely to keep doing it.

Gossip about your kids. Fact: What we overhear is far more potent than what we are told directly. Make praise more effective by letting your child "catch" you whispering a compliment about them to Grandma, Dad, or even their teddy.

Trust Yourself

Give yourself a break. Hitting the drive-through when you're too tired to cook doesn't make you a bad parent.

Trust your gut. No one knows your child better than you. Follow your instincts when it comes to their health and well-being. If you think something's wrong, chances are you're right.

Just say "no." Resist the urge to take on extra obligations at the office or become a constant volunteer at your child's school. You will never, ever regret spending more time with your children.

Don't accept disrespect from your child. Never allow your child to be rude or say hurtful things to you or anyone else. If they do, tell them firmly that you will not tolerate any form of disrespect.

Pass along your plan. Mobilize the other caregivers in your child's life—your co-parent, grandparents, daycare teacher, babysitter—to help reinforce the values and the behavior you want to instill. This includes everything from saying thank you and being kind to not whining.

Don't Forget to Teach Social Skills

Ask your children three "you" questions every day. The art of conversation is an important social skill, but parents often neglect to teach it. Get a kid going with questions like, "What was your favorite part of school today?"; "What did you do at the party you went to?"; or "Where do you want to go tomorrow afternoon?"

Teach kids this bravery trick. Tell them to always notice the color of a person's eyes. Making eye contact will help a hesitant child appear more confident and will help any kid to be more assertive and less likely to be picked on.

Acknowledge your kid's strong emotions. When your child's meltdown is over, ask them, "How did that feel?" and "What do you think would make it better?" Then listen to them. They'll recover from a tantrum more easily if you let them talk it out.

Raise Grateful Kids

Show your child how to become a responsible citizen. Find ways to help others all year. Kids gain a sense of self-worth by volunteering in the community.

Don't raise a spoiled kid. Keep this thought in mind: Every child is a treasure, but no child is the center of the universe. Teach them accordingly.

Talk about what it means to be a good person. Start early: When you read bedtime stories, for example, ask your toddler whether characters are being mean or nice and explore why.

Explain to your kids why values are important. The simple answer: When you're kind, generous, honest, and respectful, you make the people around you feel good. More important, you feel good about yourself.

Set up a "gratitude circle" every night at dinner. Go around the table and take turns talking about the various people who were generous and kind to each of you that day. It may sound corny, but it makes everyone feel good.

Don't Stress About Dinner

Serve a food again and again. If your child rejects a new dish, don't give up hope. You may have to offer it another six, eight, or even 10 times before they eat it and truly decide whether they like it.

Avoid food fights. A healthy child instinctively knows how much to eat. If they refuse to finish whatever food is on their plate, just let it go. They won't starve.

Eat at least one meal as a family each day. Sitting down at the table together is a relaxed way for everyone to connect—a time to share happy news, talk about the day, or tell a silly joke. It also helps your kids develop healthy eating habits.

Let your kids place an order. Once a week, allow your children to choose what's for dinner and cook it for them.

Always Say "I Love You"

Love your children equally, but treat them uniquely. They're individuals.

Say "I love you" whenever you feel it, even if it's 743 times a day. You simply cannot spoil a child with too many mushy words of affection and too many smooches. Not possible.

Keep in mind what grandmas always say. Children are not yours; they are only lent to you for a time. In those fleeting years, do your best to help them grow up to be good people.

Savor the moments. Yes, parenthood is the most exhausting job on the planet. Yes, your house is a mess, the laundry's piled up, and the dog needs to be walked. But your kid just laughed. Enjoy it!

Boost Brainpower & Physical Activity

Teach your baby to sign. Just because a child can't talk doesn't mean there aren't lots that they'd like to say. Simple signs can help you know what your baby needs and even how they feel well before they have the words to tell you, which is a great way to reduce frustration.

Keep the tube in the family room. Research has repeatedly shown that children with a TV in their bedroom weigh more, sleep less, and have lower grades and poorer social skills. (And parents with a television in their bedroom have sex less often!)

Get kids moving. The latest research shows that brain development in young children may be linked to their activity level. Place your baby on their tummy several times during the day, let your toddler walk instead of ride in their stroller, and create opportunities for your older child to get plenty of exercise.

Keep Up With Your Kids' Health

Get your kids vaccinated. Outbreaks of measles and other diseases still occur in our country and throughout the world.

Protect that smile. Encouraging your kid to brush twice a day with a dab of fluoride toothpaste will guard against cavities.

Be vigilant about safety. Baby proof your home thoroughly and never leave a child under 5 in the tub alone. Make sure car seats are installed correctly, and insist that your child wear a helmet when riding their bike or scooter.

Listen to the doc. If your pediatrician thinks your kid's fever is caused by a virus, don't push for antibiotics. The best medicine may be rest, lots of fluids, and a little TLC. Overprescribing antibiotics can cause medical problems for your child and increase the chances of creating superbugs that resist treatment.

Keep sunblock next to your kid's toothpaste. Apply it every day as part of the morning routine. It'll become as natural as brushing their teeth.

Put your baby to bed drowsy but still awake. This helps your child learn to soothe themselves to sleep and prevents bedtime problems down the line.

Know when to toilet train. Look for these two signs that your child is ready to use the potty: They sense the urge to pee and poop (this is different from knowing that they've already gone), and they ask for a diaper change.

Final Thoughts on Parenting

The good thing is, that although parenting is hard, it is also very rewarding. The bad part is the rewards usually come much later than the hard work. But if we try our best now, we will eventually reap the rewards and have nothing to regret.